Tuesday 26 January 2016


Knowing the limits of whatever you have will determine how long it lasts. Likewise, knowing the boundaries of a healthy marriage will determine how long it lasts. In this case, it may determine how long YOU last.
You ought to know when to walk away.

Marriage as beautiful as it can be could also be a nightmare. It needs to be nurtured else it will eventually die, gradually but ultimately. After years of neglecting each other’s needs, purposely or unintentionally, we often wonder “what happened?” as if whatever we are now experiencing came from nowhere suddenly.
In the past, I have written about those things that could be done before marriage but this time I am led to write about what may seem extreme to some but I believe will be of benefit to others.
This post will major on the indications that are pointers to when you need to walk away. This is also based on the premise that your spouse is not willing to work things out amicably or seems to have lost all sense of reason.
I am a Christian blogger so my views are greatly influenced by God’s Spirit. That said, I also believe in common sense and that it can be applied in many matters. Unfortunately, when you are married to a person who has almost turned you into a lunatic, I’m afraid to say that at this point, you may have lost your normal senses and will probably continue in the same loop of depression and fear. If you are in these shoes, I hope and pray that the following words will trigger whatever keeps you sane so that you can evaluate your situation and make the right decision concerning your life and that of anyone you may have brought into the world.
Many people are in denial of the fact that their marriage has hit the rocks. Please don’t get me wrong, this is not an attempt to advise you to give up on your marriage, it is to convince you that your life is worth more than what is left of your marriage. Wisdom will keep you alive.
I need you to know and never forget that God wants you to have a happy and fulfilled marriage regardless of whatever past you had. With Him, at the point of repentance you got a new identity. So never assume that you are being punished for your past.

The wrong that you are experiencing is probably;
(1)    as a consequence of some decisions you and/or your spouse made during your marriage journey which by-the-way can be fixed (starting from the moment you both realize that you need to return to the point where things fell apart).
(2)    the true nature of the unyielded human heart- wickedness, which cannot be fixed by any form of counseling or reasoning, except by praying for such a person and waiting for an internal change from within him/her.

As it is impossible to address specific situations since some are quite unique, I’ll speak about familiar cases and advise those that do not fall under the umbrellas addressed to visit a professional counselor or whoever administered the joining on your wedding day for counsel on the way forward.

If you are experiencing any form of abuse, especially physical abuse, PLEASE walk away.

If you live in constant fear in the presence of your spouse, and this may push you to contemplate taking a life, either yours or your spouses’, walk away.

When I say walk away, it does not equal a divorce although it might be the first step toward it.

You need to walk away because there are some issues that cannot be resolved from the inside. This is why the manager/coach of a team stays off the pitch during a football match. You’ll have the advantage of being clear minded since you are not directly under the stress and anxiety of the issues you are facing.
It saddens me that in my country, many spouses suffer emotional abuse but do not even realize it as some cultures have confused submission for maintaining the status quo in a bad marriage especially for the women. You often find women deteriorating physically as a result of the emotional or mental hurt they’ve been enduring in their marriage. In the case of men, they stick to abuse out of respect for ‘elders’ who probably don’t have an idea what true joy is in a marriage.

It is my sincere prayer that while you’ve stepped out of whatever mess you were in, there’ll be a divine intervention in your situation to the extent that your experience can be shared with others to guide them through such hopeless situations. However, if you have to walk away permanently, I wish you a sweeter life than you ever thought you’d have. I have testimonies of such and will expect yours too.

NB: My sincere appreciation goes to my Pastor for being God's instrument in this season of my life. I have indeed been planted by the rivers of water. Pastor Muyiwa, God bless you Sir!


  1. I think it's better to have a broken relationship than a broken marriage. So whatever would happen in a marriage would have happened or even started in the relationship so break it there and solve generational problems you would create if the marriage is broken. I believe in a marriage there should be no going back because someone always suffers

    1. Well I do not agree with you on that. Some relationships are based on lies and pretense. The true nature of such relationship does not come out until the knot has been tied. Such deceit is usually intentional and can only be detectend by God's grace. Some men are so oo cunning it takes divine intervention to figure them out. In such a relationship, marriage will be hell for the spouse. I agree with the written of the article. Walk away before one person looses his or her life

  2. You have spoken right. A lot of people are dying in silence and at the same time, soaring in the airspace of wrong advices. I just hope this well articulated writeup meets someone at their breaking point. God bless your heart sir. Idoko!!!

  3. Dear Agenson, I agree with you that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage but like I said in the write up, a number of things have been written in previous posts to guide singles to having a healthy marriage. However, some people are way past that stage and are now experiencing unpleasant realities to say the least. This post is for such people.

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