Monday 31 October 2011

for worse

If you do not have an idea of what the phrase "for better for worse" really means, especially the second part, I beg your pardon to be blunt about this truth, please do not get married until you understand it's full ramification or rather if you can't grasp it and you think you're running out of time, make sure it's omitted in your vows.

This phrase was culled from the 'original wedding vows' used by most churches in the Anglican Communion.

There might come a point in your marriage that what keeps you going as a couple is not that sweet feeling you get  at the thought of your partner, neither the beauty or personality of your spouse. What keeps you going is the decision you made to love, honour and respect each other "till death do us part" backed up by the inner strength gotten from God by virtue of the type of relationship you've had and maintain with Him.

Love is not all about how you feel, snap out of that notion. Talking about love will take forever but if you are on the right path, you get to know more about love and grow in love day by day.

I want to talk about the 'for worse' times. 

These are times when circumstances are not in your favour, everything that could go wrong seem to do so almost at the same time. In times like these, it might get to the point that you don't have the right words to pray concerning your situation, even if you feel like praying. You cry when you try to understand all that is happening to you and why, it's worse when you try to explain to someone what you're going through because you would most likely not complete the third sentence before you start crying uncontrollably.

Trust me, you will know when you are at this bus-stop in your life. You begin to reminisce and appreciate the good times you've had as a couple, the things you considered 'little' in your past begin to have significance, it gets you looking back and thanking God for the things you took for granted. If you never had dreams of how sweet your life and marriage would have been, this present reality helps you carve out one, probably in modest proportions as you do not know when the storm will be over. You begin to cherish whatever moments you have that make you smile, and love yourselves, family and others like you never had.

The only guarantee during this period is heaven drawing on past deposits of prayers you offered, and you are also fortunate if you have praying parents, friends, family, Pastor e.t.c and mentors (like I do). I have learned (from Bishop David Abioye) that your kingdom service count as 'prayers'. (Luke 1:8,13)

The good news is that it's just a bus-stop, it's not the end of your journey. You only make it your last stop if you get out of the bus. Unfortunately, the only people who really know this are those who have hope because of their relationship with God. "Those that know their God will be strong ..." (Daniel 11:32)

This post is being written in my storm, not because I am relieved but because I need the devil to know that I'm in control of this vessel. I can't have God, the Almighty inside of me and break like every other person would. I can't have His Spirit in here and grow weary. The bible says "...but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). All things are working together for my good (Romans 8:28). I can say this confidently because "I know whom I have believed in and I'm persuaded that He is able..." (2Timothy 1:12). 

I cannot imagine what things would have been like right now if I did not have a friend who is strong and God-fearing as my spouse. This is why I love my marriage and would always be an advocate for godly marriage, as well as help those intending to be married by telling them all I know, by knowledge and experience, that makes marriage the best thing that can happen to an individual.

It is impossible that we all have the same strengths, however, I encourage you to sow into your future, seeds of prayer, goodness etc. Whatever seeds you plant now, will become the tree that will provide a shade for you whenever you need one, if ever you do.



  1. Very nice piece, I'm truly encouraged by this Dami. May God bless you and continue to keep your marriage.....

  2. I love this write-up and got some reinforcement. Thank u


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