Sunday 13 April 2014

To Single Ladies 2

A while ago, I shared some thoughts on making a great marriage decision. You can find the post here. This is a follow-up to that.
At the altar, you will promise to love and cherish your spouse till death separates both of you. Taking care of these pointers before marriage will make that vow a joy and pleasure.

5. Who are his friends? Who are those he depends on, those he can be vulnerable with? The types that ‘stick closer than a brother’, those are the people he can become. Their habits, lifestyle and counsel can either be leverage or a tragedy for him and for you. When you get married, they become your first family friends. Our paradigms are shaped dominantly based on our associations and environment than our genes. Friends influence each other, it’s like osmosis. This is where the duration of dating/courtship comes in. You need reasonable time not only to know him but also his friends. If the lives of these friends don’t have any bearing with the future you picture, please reconsider. And if he doesn’t have any friends, well ... run.

6. Who are his parents? Family is very important to all of us and the composition of a family tells a lot about ones foundation. Despite the fact that our environment shapes us more than our genes, the foundation is the most important part of a building. It determines if the building can be restructured or modified and still stand. My dear, he is an extension of his family, that’s why your last name changes when you sign the dotted lines. You are now a part of that family. Some wives adopt their husband’s ‘first name hyphen his family name’ format to be singled out (besides other reasons), but that does not change his foundation. I understand that he might be totally different from his family and you guys are going to build a new legacy (and you can) but the reality is that they are your father, mother, brother and sister in-law. Will you be comfortable in your new family?

7. Reposition Yourself. Do you consider yourself a ‘wife material’? What are your habits? Where do you hangout? Who do you hang out with? What are you doing to be a better person? Having a great marriage is not only by checking this list or by reading a stack of marriage materials, there’s more to it. You also have to make yourself ‘right’ to be found. Look around you and see what needs to be changed and then reposition yourself. There will be an amplification of who and what you are in marriage, I hope your new family is in for the best.

Getting married is simple, but getting married to the right person takes diligence. That’s why it is described as finding in the bible.
We cannot choose our parents and family or where we are born, but we can choose who we spend the rest of our lives with. It’s a life decision and it has to be made right.
Being married to the right person makes you more than you are. Your energies put together produces exponential results. It’s like going from crawling to flying. I can assure you that I have witnesses, and some might just be graceful enough to share here.

I wish you my greatest desire after heaven; a wonderful marriage.

NB: I have been learning, working and growing. For more on life, love, marriage, chemistry, finances etc, I suggest you take a look @Leke_ Alder‘s #Letr2Jack & #Letr2Jill on twitter. He has been a blessing to me.


  1. i seriously agree with all these... thanks for the words of advice.

    1. You're welcome Amaka. Looking forward to your personal testimony.

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